Communication in relationships- Connecting beyond the usual habitual ways.

      💬Communication in relationships-          Connecting beyond the usual habitual ways  📝

          Would you agree when I say that we generally connect with people in whom we see certain value or with whom we click instantly ? It’s the socialising way each one of us takes in general. Socialising is an aspect of the basic human nature which satisfies our “feeling of belonging” … being a part of an operative society. We hit it off immediately when we share the same wavelength with someone. From there we start weaving our relationship bond. All of us present ourselves with our own preferred habitual ways and styles of communication (verbal, written or other). Cooking the words in our mind, we then use our five senses to express them.

           We all know that besides love and attachment, a long term “alive” and healthy relationship works and thrives around certain values that are widely acknowledged like Honesty, Trust, Respect, Loyalty, Partnership (freedom and space), Compatibility, Safety (abuse free), Adjustment, Happiness and most important of all “Communication”.

          Talking (expressing and explaining) and Listening (grasping and empathising) taking turns and acting in cooperation while going little easy on the “I, me, myself” for some time, will make the communication impactful and the flow smooth and strong…. Don’t you think? With experience and observation have I realised that we can safeguard our self majorly by improving our own communication skills.

           Communication in any relationship is a key as we use it to express our feelings, expectations and requirements. We all know that with “willingness at both ends”, the toughest differences and misunderstandings can be resolved and sorted out only with mature discussion and giving each other the needed time.  I have always felt that the casual friendly relations are much easy to manage while the blood/spouse side and the intimate relationships need a lot of efforts and maintenance.

                “Listening” must not be ignored or missed. Rushing to judgement without hearing the other side of the story only aggravates the misunderstandings and the miscommunication.

            Communication will surely be effective and efficient when it is polite, simple and clear in any relationship. Building and maintaining a beautiful intimate relationship requires a lot of patience, loyalty and genuine sincerity. The delicate emotional attachments inside the possessive hearts are too sensitive and vulnerable; extreme care needs to be taken by both ends to protect the relationships that honestly matter to us or else distances are inevitable. Won't you agree?

           How we speak, with whom we speak, where we speak, the time we speak, why we speak, should we speak, how much we speak…  isn’t it better to think and work around this while communicating at large?

       

           By using the power of words more thoughtfully, cautiously and appropriately the communication gap could be narrowed and filled.

            When I was younger, my verbal interactions mostly used to be spontaneous, haphazard and quick. Carefree and careless “go with the flow” interactions, childish and self-centred at times they used to be. Most of the time I would behave, but, there were exceptional times when I recollect myself behaving like the centre point of a high-density hurricane ready to hit any time with my blunt “my way – the right way” and argumentative attitude. My adamant young blood unable to control the emotions and expressions would also show a repulsive, insensitive side which would be deliberately rude at times thereby testing especially my dear mother’s patience in totality.

              Fortunately, with passing time and conscientious efforts, I mellowed down noticeably, more so after my marriage and entering motherhood. I learnt that improving our ways by working on our habits can happen only and only when our insight gets cleared and we are able to identify and follow the better ways of communication which would then travel beyond the usual habitual ways. The fact remains that venting out our anger, frustration and agony on our closest relationship is a usual habit, but, after crossing its limits, it could create huge communication gaps which may become unamendable in the future.

           Connecting beyond the usual habitual ways may revive a dull or a lethargic relationship.

            Long-term relationships naturally start losing their charm after a few years. With added responsibilities, assuming and taking each other for granted and paying less attention towards each other is quite normal. Communicating beyond the habitual ways is especially required in a long-term relationship which has become routine, old and predictable. Trying some refreshing ways of bonding may tickle the fond memories and re-kindle the faded feelings. Personalised ways of communication besides talking, or, when “just talking” doesn’t seem to work could be: hand written letters, sending hand-made cards with flowers, pre-recorded audio/video clips, taking help of the techno apps to create personalised gifts, celebrating special events or days or any other loving attempt…. When there is a will, there is a way. You could think of more!!

       Silence is golden. We can listen to what isn’t said only when we think beyond what is said.

         

          Wouldn’t you agree that many times, it is better to seal our mouth purposely and forcefully… say nothing rather than saying wrong things at the wrong time which only adds fuel to the complicated worsening situation. As much as it looks impossible to “back off” (which is, going against the habitual way) especially during a heated argument, that is the best thing to do when the furious and irritated minds are not thinking through. Our “agitated and inflated ego” acts like a sharp poisonous knife in that state of mind. The “war of words” only crushes the hearts and the wounds may not be healable. The rude, loud, authoritative, dominating tone always points at arrogance and ill feelings besides the noise pollution. What I just expressed is not new to us, we all know this but still, we do get caught up in such moments and most of the time it involves people who mean the world to us. Let me confess… I mostly struggle unsuccessfully when I get caught in such moments. Self-control is such a tough task… I will keep trying though!!

Kindly think with me and see if you agree:

We may talk or act with a good and clear intention, sometimes even naively, but, we do not have a control on how that is conceived and perceived.

We may unintentionally and unknowingly hurt someone and not know about it at all.

 Most people who feel hurt do not confront or confess, they just distance themselves or start ignoring our presence. Most of the cold responses that we may get in life are based around this possibility leaving us no way or chance to fill the gap.

Showing the needed empathy and good listening is not everyone’s cup of tea.

It isn’t easy to handle the prejudice and biased communication in day to day life for either sides.

         Even if we don’t like it, we live in a world where we do meet people who are intractable or mean. They must be acutely dejected, dispirited, insecure, or just fed-up with their own life which makes them crankily merge out on a “words attack mission”. Usually spotting the softer target, they use their strategic ways like insults, bullying, trolling, passing negative comments (gossip), spread false information or hold someone as an object of ridicule. They aim to attack our emotional control, instigate hatred and destroy the peace of our mind and they surely succeed in doing so too. Communication with such people is bound to hit a dead end. We may have to put up with them as they have the “power” or they are “blood related” to us. With the communication gap widening each day, the only option we are left with is “ignoring their actions” and “controlling our reactions… toughening our minds” to reduce the impact. That indeed would be connecting beyond our usual habitual way, that is if we can successfully act this way!!

Let me end by saying this: Let’s unpack our mental baggage… let’s reach out before it’s too late.

Thank you very much for reading. Please do like, comment or share.